Its been a few days since I scribbled something here. If lack of motivation sounds like a good excuse then let me use it. I have also been a bit busy and a bit lazy and a bit distracted the rest of the time. A distracted mind is the worst of all the excuses. Thinking is muddled and emotions are all confused.
And sometimes it takes an effort like paying a visit to your poor old blog, opening an empty page and letting your fingers type what your mind dictates to get things back to "normal". Definitely helps to bring back some perspective atleast. You lose it sometimes you see; to the point that you don't even realize until too late, what you are saying or doing is not fetching the expected reaction from those at the receiving end. Then there is a brief period of embarrassment and self-loathing depending on the situation, or you turn to your blog, confess and try and move on.
In other news and happenings- I have been listening to the Mantra of Avalokiteśvara and, based on what little I know (or whatever Prof. Wikipedia knows) I am a fan of bhodisattva Avalokiteśvara.
It's Onam next week and some friends back home have been sharing news of their plans for the festival break. A little jealous but more sad because I miss them all and wish I was there. And I have also started doing the Sooryanamaskara every morning. Despite the sore muscles, I do feel more agile but if any other deeper transformation is supposed to happen then it has not happened yet. A friend who taught me said I must focus on the breathing and that makes it meditative. True, true--but did I not tell you sometime earlier about a distracted mind? Ha! caught in a vicious circle here but will get out-eventually.
Oh! I almost forgot- I am more than a little intrigued by Instagram and a friend introduced me to Spotify. Yep, somewhere in me lives a techie-freak! Who knew?!
PS: I also see the contradictions between my previous post and this one. *sigh*. And yes, I will stop with my after thought updates.
So next week semester starts, which explains why the campus looks deserted. Most of them out for last minute chilling before the roller coaster starts and goes on until the next summer break. I like it this way--rather quiet and peaceful. but on the other hand what fun is campus life without anyone around? No, no fun at all. I guess crowd is good. Ha..as usual confused about what I really prefer.
Got news from home that two of my friends are in the hospital. Yes, two. What is the likelihood of that happening? Wish I had the luxury of hopping on a plane and just be with them for sometime or until they are well.
I guess I am not too confused about what I prefer. I prefer to be with my friends. Get well soon both of you.
..is rather difficult. No kidding. And I mean literally. My Iraqi-American lab mate is fasting for Ramadan and on a whim, or to show support, or to test my endurance, or out of sheer madness I decided to fast for a day.
After dinner the previous night around 8pm, my last solid food, the plan was to get up super early--well, earlier than usual and have something with my early morning tea. After which the next liquid or solid will be consumed only around 6pm. But, here is what happened.
After dinner the previous night around 8pm, a rather light dinner if I may add I did get up earlier than usual. The plan was to eat something with tea, but call it habit I simply could not get myself to eat anything that early. So as always I had my usual cup of tea (without sugar-another mistake) and spent time blog surfing. Since my mom is in town, you can imagine her surprise when I announced my plan to her. Despite this, I suppose out of habit she kept chanting 'eat something' until I left for campus at which point she got the message I was pretty serious about staying hungry for the day.
By 9:30 the first hunger pangs hit me and boy I really had to psyche myself out of the urge to walk to the office kitchen and grab something to eat. Once I got over it, it was a reasonably smooth sail until 1pm. By then I was back home and my mom having forgotten my plan for the day started chanting again-- "aren't you eating anything?". The fact that I was famished and my mom's incessant reminder of food did not help matters. The only way out was to sleep through it and that is exactly what I did. Finally its 3pm and I get up with something developing that felt suspiciously like a bloody headache. And I HATE HEADACHES!!. A developing headache and a growling ( roaring would be a better word) stomach started weaking my resolve and finally after some chat-to-self I felt well justified to break my fast.
Post hogging I couldn't help feeling a tad bit disappointed for not meeting my 6pm goal but again I felt justified to break fast at 3:30pm. You see, after my rather early, light dinner the previous night and having not taken any solids since then, not to mention tea without sugar..I thought I did a reasonably good job of staying hungry till 3:30pm. Even my friend emailed me saying ok--enough with it. I give you permission to quit! You have anyways not done it correctly. So quit now!.
Anyways..it was an experience. Couple of lessons learnt:
I can stay hungry if I am completely preoccupied with something else interesting.
I can stay hungry if I am ecstatically happy.
I can stay hungry if I think I am in love and I am in the company of the person I love. It is sort of connected to being ecstatically happy.
I can stay hungry if I am traveling and there is no access to food. Just that you would still find me ecstatically happy or not depending on where I am travelling to.
Under any other circumstances it is a pain and there is only so much I can endure. I sincerely pray no one in this world go hungry. And if this post made you hungry please, go grab a bite. You have my permission.