Saturday, December 31, 2005

BORED!!

Boredom, also called ennui (a French word from the Old French enui, root of the English word 'annoy') is a reactive state to wearingly dull, repetitive, or tedious stimuli: suffering from a lack of interesting things to see, hear, etc., or do (physically or intellectually), while not in the mood of "doing nothing". Those afflicted by temporary boredom may regard the affliction as a waste of time, but usually characterize boredom worse than just that. Boredom can also occur as a symptom of clinical depression. *yikes*

Boredom may also lead to impulsive (and sometimes excessive) actions that serve no purpose and may damage one's self-interest.(which explains my behaviour) For example, studies in behavioral finance have shown that stock traders can enter into "overtrading" (buying or selling even without any objective reason to do so) simply because they feel bored when they have nothing worth doing.
(Src:http://en.wikipedia.org)
My state of boredom:
I purchased 10 vcds(bought them on sale ($1 each) and the best part they are all pretty recent never-seen -before movies) ,borrowed two movies from the lending library for $3.50(to be returned tomorrow) and borrowed two movies from the university library (free ofcourse, to be returned in two days) .Now I need to find the time to sit and watch them all. Hmmm..boredom leading to impulsive actions ,damaging ones self-interest ,while not in the mood of "doing nothing"?!?!.There is plenty of work-work..but the thought itself is boring!!
*yawn**sigh*

Friday, December 30, 2005

Current Obsessions

Alternating between…


I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand
(Src: Desert Rose- Sting)

And…

Dil kyaa kare jab kisii se kisii ko pyaar ho jaae
Jaane kahaa.N kab kisii ko kisii se pyaar ho jaae
(Src: Dil Kya Kare-Julie)

And...

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
(Src: Wonderwall-Oasis)

Status :- Going through a silly/mushy/lovey-dovey state of mind.....and wondering and wondering and...

Monday, December 26, 2005

Winter Break and This & That

I think I am already bored with this winter break.Cant wait to get back to classes and all the craziness that comes with it.I didnt have anything fun planned for the holidays,assumed I would be happy just relaxing at home not doing anything.Wrong Assumption!!
I guess I miss feeling frazzled and with no classes to study and prepare for there is nothing to feel frazzled about. Oddly enough I am not able to relax..as if I have forgotten how to rleax.So weird.

Anyway Christmas weekend was uneventful.Slept late and got up really really late.We watched a movie late into the night and managed to get slightly spooked .The movie was Hide & Seek and we took it because K was in the mood to get spooked and also Robert-de-Niro happens to be his favourite actor.We survived the movie adjusting the volume.Three cheers to whoever invented Mute.My personal pick was Horseman on the Roof which turned out to be a French movie (pretty good one) and jr's choice was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (must have been good)*roll my eyes*.

Oh and I baked a cake (Chocolate chip cake).The mixture came in a packet ,so the only talent required was to mix it with water,two eggs and three spoons of oil and shove it into the oven and bake it for 50mins.Turned out pretty good actually.

A friend is leaving for home on monday and another leaving sometime in Jan and another leaving sometime in May. And me.... dont know.*sigh*.I miss home..well more then home I miss certain people...and certain places.

Currently listening to the song collection in my real player and one of them goes...

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?
(Src: Joan Osborne's What if God Was One Of Us)
One Question!!...hmm..Do you think the bearded guy with the blue bandana and backpack will fall in love with me?. Lol!I am kidding ofcourse but really I dont know what that one question would be if I did get a chance to ask .Wow!
Well..I could ask Him(assuming God is a guy) what the purpose of my life is ?...but no.. I fear the answer...so maybe I wouldnt ask that.Geez this is a tough one.* deep contemplation*
*psssst*Anyone reading this... please share what yr Q would be.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Ok so I finally hear from two of my buddies N & J .They are ALIVE and thats a big relief in itself.*phew*.However I am still sort of worried about them.They may be alive but I feel or rather I know there is something worrying them.I dont want to play lousy shrink anymore...geez thats scary...but somehow by some magic or whatever let them be happy and high on life.Please !Please!
(These are a few lines I received from my friend N a couple of weeks ago...her new year's offering..
"I will be travelling in the coming weeks.So what can I offer to all in the future years?I can offer my prayers..but I don't bec it's the safest thing that one can offer..n also I'm not a pragmatic to take up the safest things in life.So I offer the impossible....like my life...bec the people whom I remember in my whole life are those who offered the impossible to others")
Would it be overreacting to say I am a bit worried about her?I feel like blaming all the books she reads and all the ideas on life and relationships that takes shape in that intelligent mind of hers and the fact that she lives alone doesnt really help. I wish she didnt read so much ,I wish she was born stupid.*sigh*.I dont know what I am saying.
There is a mail from J which I had posted but then decided to remove it ...but he worries me too .He thinks he has all these problesm..and that he is a very bad ,mean guy when in reality he is bloody smart , too mature for his age with a very loving heart..sooo loving that he is forever falling in love *grin* and is doing quite well in life although not good enough according to him only because he has set these VERY HIGH stds for himself.*sigh*.Its so difficult to convince him that everything is well and things arent as bad as they seem .Its all in the perception ...all in the mind.Ok ...nopes...I must shut up...no more stupid gyan from me.

Meanwhile I am still wondering where R has disappeared .Man he definitely knows how to test ones patience.But what can I say ...I happen to be "kind" and "graceful"( atleast J thinks so..*grin*) and patience happens to be my middle name...rather my pal R helped me develop the trait .But seriously its time HE made a goddamn appearance because my lovely disposition is abandoning me. Where the hell are you man!!

(Well I dont have a recent mail from our pal to share but I do know he has been searching for a job and perhaps irritated over not landing one yet, but still, he can be in touch....right?And where are the jobs anyway?!?!? People here (by people I mean the ordinary citizens and not the government and since when is the govt diff from people is a whole other discussion ) make a big fuss about out-sourcing and how all the jobs are being exported to India ,yet people like my friend remain unemployed inspite of being technically trained!!!I dont even know whom to blame for creating these situations( the gov?/we the people?/ me?)...and worst of all for messing up friendship.Am I stretching things a bit too much ???...maybe ...but I dont care.I am irritated!)

And how can I not talk about my two lovely friends, the less weird of the lot if I may declare -M and A with whom I have shared the longest time of my life so far.We had this arrangement of voice-chatting over yahoo during the weekends because we happen to be in three different corners of the world.It seemed fun and( eh irritating )for a while but not surprisingly the whole plan fizzled off after a few weekends.I guess I have to be blamed (and this also explains the "irritating" part) as I couldnt participate quite effectively in these international gossiping sessions because I never took the pain to get a microphone ,which meant I could listen to them speak ...but if I had to ask or tell them anything I had to type.Also being the poorest(sudent budget sucks!!) of the lot, all I could afford was a dial up connection which naturally brought down the speed and clarity of the chat sessions.Eventhough we havent talked to each other for a while, the friendship survives.How do I know??Well ,because I know so...its one of those taken-for-granted-friendships which I can bravely declare.I mean these people are not ordinary in anyway because they have suffered me for the last 12 years or so.*respects*
(But then..where the hell are they?Two weeks,me thinks is a loooooong time to be out of contact.)*irritated*)
And then last but not the least there is V whom I would say has the "lust for wandering".His love for travel is infectious .If you think you have been bitten by the travel bug , after talking to him you will think a travel monster ate you up!!!Anyway he recently landed a new job where he has to work night shifts...which in otherwords mean I get to chat with him during my office hours...eh..well during breaks.*grin*.Currently he is the only one who is giving me reason to smile.His yahoo status today read : "behind every great man there is a woman and behind every great woman there is a man checking out her ass" *grin*.He also confided in me that he is looking for a girlfriend to "share coffee during cool wintery days and watch movies with".Now trust me on this one...its very rare V gets mushy and gooey this way...but I guess I spoiled the moment by asking him what he wants to do once summer arrives and the movie ends.(Sorry about that budi).*grin*.But I sincerely wish u an awesome girlfriend.
And these are some people who make me happy & sad (aka..worries me),who inspire me most times and disappoint me never.Love ,happiness and peace to them all.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Life Updates

Until Last week.

Going crazy over the finals
Feeling upset about dad being hospitalised
Uncertainities regarding the new job
Playing lousy shrink to a couple of friends
Wondering what the hel happened to them after that. *nervous*
Worrying about my grades.

Since Yesterday.

Got news that dad is improving and might be discharged this weekend.
Got my new appointment for a RA-ship.
Got my grades.

And I feel like singing...

I am on top of the world ,looking down on creation...

*Me grinning like a banshee*

God thanks a bunch for everything...I am mighty happy and I wish the same to everyone in this planet.

However still wondering whats up with my buddies.*nervous*

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Bad Day.

Completely ignoring OSHO’s grand words( refer last post)..I think I am just sick of my life right now.I am just so tired!!!. I don’t want to feel this way..I really would like to take things a bit easy. But unfortunately/sadly its not easy to take things easy or I guess I don’t how to do that.
Been a very bad week so far.

Mess No1: Had a class presentation today and that totally bombed. I really knew what I should be talking about and ended up stammering my way to the last slide.

Mess No 2: I am supposedly working on a “group project” but one gal is apparently busy with some other class assignment…*hello!! I take other classes too!*. and the other guy is Chinese and can barely speak or write english( but he can read and understand) ..so he thinks sending me some stuff copied and pasted from the internet takes care of his part of the work.I can understand language issues ,but dont just send me stuff straight from the net without even making an attempt to find out areas that are relevant to our topic .*WTH*!

Mess No 3: I have a review tomorrow and I should have read some chapters and be ready with doubts and questions…I haven’t touched a page..and I DON’T want to touch a page ,infact I DON’T want to study at all!I am SO MAD at everyone today. The day sucks ..my life seriously sucks and I am unappreciative of everything I have..and I don’t care to apologize for feeling this way.

To add a weird twist to all this…some super insight *free gyan* I got form my Prof today. ..and I quote her

“ If things are simpler its easy to keep track of what is going on”.

Do not be mistaken.It’s a resource economics class and not a class on philosophy and we were discussing technology and its impact on envt.All I could think of was applying the idea to almost every aspect of my life. But that would mean giving up a lot of things which brings me back to the same old point its not freakin EASY to make such choices!! Heck! life royally sucks today.

I am so tired..probably tomorrow will be a better day.