Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Bad Day.

Completely ignoring OSHO’s grand words( refer last post)..I think I am just sick of my life right now.I am just so tired!!!. I don’t want to feel this way..I really would like to take things a bit easy. But unfortunately/sadly its not easy to take things easy or I guess I don’t how to do that.
Been a very bad week so far.

Mess No1: Had a class presentation today and that totally bombed. I really knew what I should be talking about and ended up stammering my way to the last slide.

Mess No 2: I am supposedly working on a “group project” but one gal is apparently busy with some other class assignment…*hello!! I take other classes too!*. and the other guy is Chinese and can barely speak or write english( but he can read and understand) ..so he thinks sending me some stuff copied and pasted from the internet takes care of his part of the work.I can understand language issues ,but dont just send me stuff straight from the net without even making an attempt to find out areas that are relevant to our topic .*WTH*!

Mess No 3: I have a review tomorrow and I should have read some chapters and be ready with doubts and questions…I haven’t touched a page..and I DON’T want to touch a page ,infact I DON’T want to study at all!I am SO MAD at everyone today. The day sucks ..my life seriously sucks and I am unappreciative of everything I have..and I don’t care to apologize for feeling this way.

To add a weird twist to all this…some super insight *free gyan* I got form my Prof today. ..and I quote her

“ If things are simpler its easy to keep track of what is going on”.

Do not be mistaken.It’s a resource economics class and not a class on philosophy and we were discussing technology and its impact on envt.All I could think of was applying the idea to almost every aspect of my life. But that would mean giving up a lot of things which brings me back to the same old point its not freakin EASY to make such choices!! Heck! life royally sucks today.

I am so tired..probably tomorrow will be a better day.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Inspirational...but.

Live and allow all that is possible.
Sing,dance,cry,weep,laugh,love ,
meditate,relate,be alone.
Be in the ,marketplace,and
sometimes in the mountains.
Life is short,Live it as richly as possible ,
and dont try to be consistent.
Src: From the Little Book Of Osho..back from the ocean below,out from the trunk full of pebbles,resting on my table top ,the words staring at me.
Now all I need to do is internalise it.*sigh*

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Thanksgiving 2005.

Enjoyed or rather trying to enjoy the thanksgiving weekend.I didn’t make any special plans for Thanksgiving Day—no partying or outing with friends . Just stayed at home, ate like crazy and ehh….. got sloshed with K.*grin*. Actually I don’t need a lot to get sloshed or end up with a hang over and the few occasions that has happened I had promised myself not to repeat it. But what can I say..some times u just don’t remember the lessons you learnt or the promises you made earlier or in truth you choose not to remember it..*grin*.

But I THINK everything is back to focus …so let me brag about the menu-I had chicken wings cooked in tequilla and lime which was mindblowing..It was pre-cooked ,frozen pack(nopes I cant claim any credit) which I baked again for 20 mins in the oven. Perfecto!!! *drool*.Some bread and “I Cant Believe Its Not Butter”(margarine) as accompaniment and it was all washed down with some gin and orange juice(explains how I got sloshed..pathetic really).For dessert it was cheesecake. I am sure any food connoisseurs reading this might be on the verge of throwing up and all the dead ones might be turning in their grave. The combination does sound close to lethal..but nothing dreadful has happened yet. Anyway I enjoyed the feast thoroughly and who ever invented chessecake should be bestowed the Nobel Price for peace…or atleast he/she has the potential to win one. I say call a meeting of all the warring nations and serve them cheesecake. Solution to world peace lies on a platter of cheesecake…no kidding..because Man! its delicious !!!and it can melt the most uncompromising of hearts . hmmm…that has to be the Gin speaking.*hee…ccuup*.

Went for a movie after a really looooooooooooong time. It was the new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice -keera knightly( as Elizabeth) and the guy(the one playing dear Mr Darcey) cant remb his name, both looked awesome. More than the movie I enjoyed the music..(the background score)… some excellent piano. The music haunts you long after the show. Also some of the visuals*Goosebumps*.It was running in one of the multiplexes here .I went with R ,a Jane Austin MANIAC!!.We were about 10 mins into the movie and it ran into some technical malfunction and all of us were requested to move to the next hall. We ------------ had the back row middle seat (an excellent view) and ended up sitting in the second row from front and an almost neck sprain at the end of the movie. However all was forgiven when the officials distributed two free passes for the next show, valid till January06. I had checked out a couple of trailers and posters of movies yet to release…there is Ice Age II( animations RULE and I love Sid!!!) and then there is also a Steve Martin comedy (Cheaper by the Dozen II..have seen part I and lord its funny!) and Memoirs of a Geisha(has anyone read the book?).Now all I need to do is pick one and FIND THE TIME to watch!!!*sigh*.
Paid a visit to the temple (ISKCON ) and requested some divine intervention ,purpose being–peace in general. Amen!
And the weekend continues...with the dreadful Monday looming around the corner.


Friday, November 25, 2005

My..SEVEN

I went bog hopping yesterday and found that almost everyone has posted their SEVEN list. Shirin had tagged me but never got the time to post it earlier.So here it is..…

Seven Things I Plan to Do ( I had posted a wish list of things I want and want to do …sometime in the beginning ….when I started my blog and that list is still live and active except for one or two). So besides those I plan to…

1) Get my Degree.
2) Join the BEST n.g.o ever.
3) Put Jr in the BEST school possible.
4) Travel ! Travel ! Travel!
5) Own a shack in an awesome place somewhere on this planet
6) Get an i-pod
#7) Go up to the long haired bearded guy with a bandana and back pack and tell him .
‘hey u have no right to be so handsome!’( just kidding ofcourse)
7) Cut my hair a little short ( consider #7 invalid)


Seven Things I can Do

1) Love
2) Make people laugh/smile
3) Irritate people.(not very proud of it but cant make everyone happy either)
4) Cook although not an expert.
5) Be thankful to my parents
6) Enjoy music ..oh well… anything creative and artistic actually
7) Play Badminton( not professionally and I still don’t know half the rules…but love the game, also love scrabble)

Seven things I cant Do

1) Not love Jr , K and U.
2) Write well ( although at one point I had dreams of writing a book..imagine! ..lol!)
3) Keep everything in order too long.
4) Grow roots and settle ( might change my mind when I turn 60..dont know)
5) Sing
6) Control my tears( both for joy and sadness. to the point that people close to me ignore me. It’s a genetic thing actually. My mom has the same problem.)
7) Save money

Seven Things I say most often

1) Hi/hello
2) Awesome
3) Thanks
4) Sorry *grin*
5) Just relax
6) Oh Shit!
7) What the hell/heck!

Seven people I want to tag
You have all been tagged already..but if you want to extend your list ..then please utilize this opportunity.

Rajesh(the man who started it all)
Shirin
ME
Joker
Iris
Sharmila
Vasanthan

Otherwise anyone and everyone who is reading this and wants to join the fun.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Choices.

Just went through a very hectic ,crazy week. It amazes me the kind of situations life throws at you. Sounds as though I am holding life responsible for all my situations. If its my life , then whatever (atleast most of the) situations I come across has to be a consequence of my actions or choices I make. Ye right !!....duh!
Well....whatever the choices I have made and may have to make in future is worrying me to death. Probably I am overreacting or probably I am not. Probably everything is fine and I don’t really see it. Probably worrying makes me feel I am in touch with whats happening around and therefore it makes me entitled to some comfort and sympathy and empathy and an occasional “hey how do u do it all” remark that folks throw at me.

Anyway… these are some of the choices I had to pick from….

To make a choice of staying and working in my own country or shifting to a whole new land where occasionally I end up asking myself “what the hell am I doing here?”
To make a choice between relaxing at home or slogging your way through grad school a second time!
To make a choice between making your parents pay for your tuition or getting a loan to pay through grad school.
To make a choice between getting some easy Cs than working hard for an A.
To make a choice between working on a project that would pay you and get you a tuition waiver or working with this awesome brilliant professor who has no money to offer but some awesome advice and opportunity to write some papers that has the potential to get published in the best journals.
To make a choice between staying in a nice comfortable easy job in the library or accepting to work in a project that has some great perks but will be very demanding .

…and I didn’t pick anything easy and probably I am suffering the consequences of my choices ..but the weird part is if I am given a second chance to pick I might end up making the same choices. So the issue now is am I making these choices out of greed or am I trying to prove something to myself or to others or is it because I have this weird notion that all this would make me a more productive and contributing citizen. Hmmm..looks like I am searching for some answers here. Maybe I need to see a shrink or maybe I don’t .Perhaps all I need to do is dig into my conscience and figure it out myself. Oh gee!!..here we go again…more choices…WTH!

(This is an explanation to ME .I wasn’t playing hide and seek budi. I was working on a bloody difficult assignment. One assignment and it can wreck your life!!! Makes no sense but thats what happened. I know its wrecked because thats when I turn philosophical and start questioning my choices and decisions.)

Happy Thanksgiving to All!!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Flashback from Year 2010

The Present:-

I realize that my visits to my blog is very irregular. If I ever decided to go back to the archives and read my previous blogs , 5 years from now, it would look as though some days of my life had gone missing. At the moment it sounds very dramatic perhaps but I am sure I would be quite pissed or irritated then wondering what kept me occupied during these unaccounted days. Was it really something terribly important and worthwhile or was it because I was lazy , irregular and disorganized.

Back from the Future:-

Well, just to straighten the record,I would like to state that I am actually quite busy and yes I am doing something terribly important and worthwhile(which I agree is relative) and is keeping me so occupied that I cannot find time to drop by my blog and update on my lifez happenings. But all is well.*grin*
That said I am currently in my lab working on something terribly important (not sure worthwhile) and I must get back to it ASAP. However I do appreciate the fact that God invented blogging and I own a blog (again relative) and I can use , misuse and abuse it .

Happy Blogging to All!!

(PS : Maybe I have a corrupt mind (hopefully its just a temporary status) but everytime I use the word “blogging” I get the feeling that I am using a foul x- rated language.)Ok I am slightly embarrassed now. Time to disappear!)

Saturday, November 12, 2005

I Am So Pleased..

...with this result.Since I have nothing else to post I thought i'll as well make myself feel good.Found this quiz in ME's blog.Took it and here I present the result.Its flattering.


MY SMILE!!
Loving
You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Not bad hu??...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

And I say...Shit!!!

Today has been an irritating and dull day for no apparent reason.Not very good. I am in the mood to whine and this blog seems to serve the purpose( this blog has more whiny posts than happy posts anyway).Whine and make it available for the whole world to read and comment.But its a good thing I suppose--especially when you have good people telling you good things.

Its like I told R the other day ' nothing new happening at my end except for occassional hits on the head and new revelations that comes with it ,which makes you go..ooohhhhh okaay'.
Anyway on dull irritating days like this when there arent any hits on the head or pats on the back or reassuring hugs... I sometimes turn to my lovely Little Book of Osho.So today I read him and this is what he says..

"Why do you feel so discontented;
why do you feel always so dissatisfied for no particular reason at all?
Even if everything is going well ,something is missing.
What is missing?-you have never listened to your own being."

You have never listened to your own being????? Yea right...if I started listening to my own being to keep me happy then that would be the new definition for Trouble!!
*Little Book of Osho put in a box full of pebbles and dumped into the ocean*(for the time being).

Aaaand I hear Janis Joplin singing in her strong awesome voice..

"Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it’s not as hard as it seems."
Src:Never the Bride -Going to California

Hmmm..sorry Janis....not helping at the moment..

Monday, November 07, 2005

Thoughts

Occassionally I get these thoughts..
I
Should have been born Pre-Independence(1920s atleast)
Should have been born into a large family(6 siblings all brothers)
Should have stuck to science in college.
Should have moved out from home when I turned 18
Should have become an Architect or some kind of artist
Should have gone in for a live-in relationship.

Often I get these thoughts...
I
Want to save the planet(generally speaking)
Want to get a tattoo
Want to work somewhere in Africa
Want the long haired bearded guy with a bandana and backpack tell me He Loves Me(just once goddamnit!!!)
Want to get my Degree ASAP
Want to tell Jr and K that they Are The Best and I Love Them!!

Rarely I get this thought....
I
Am a bit crazy and slightly out of touch with reality.

I am not sure I like posts where I am listing out things but I seem to be doing that often.*hmmm*There is something very calculated and organised about lists... and I am not a big fan of either.

Sometimes (not surprisingly)I get this thought...
I
Confuse myself.

Friday, November 04, 2005

In Honor Of My Work Space


Ever heard the expression Organized Chaos?Thats one way to describe my workspace( appears organized to me and perhaps chaotic to others(never asked)).Its also colorful ,inspiring,and interesting.Wonder if ones work space reflects ones personality.
Then in my case
1) Colorful?...hmm..debatable.
2)Inspiring..hmm..well I like to think so.*a question mark face*
3)Interesting? ..hmm..oh yea *hear people booing*( now come on show me some love people)
4)Organised?...hmm....not really
5)Chaotic?...hmm..invalid question.*grin*.
But anyway I love my space and this is where most of the action happens..eh..in the sense-where I spend most of my time..studying,writing,blogging, browsing,and yapping.
Herez the evidence:-
The Space of Higher Learning!


Another mid term got over yesterday.Phew! And now there are these two assignments which is hanging over my neck like the freaking sword of Democles.*sigh*.Maybe I should compare one assignment to the sword and the other to a tiny pocket knife.*lame grin*.The sword is making me restless.I am stuck at a point and I want to move forward but that doesnt seem happening.Not that I am lazy( a rare occurance) but I am kind of clueless on how to proceed.*sigh*.Also its the weekend and with the major chunk of the work yet to be accomplished there goes the weekend.Tomorrow as well be a monday!!*sniff*

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

And.....

...I saw him again..this time at the bus stop.Why does God have to make such beautiful looking people..*sigh* (eh…beautiful to me and I am sure to a lot of people).I keep bumping into him all the time which really doesn’t help much. Mostly its at the library.He is there because he USES the place extensively and I am there because I WORK there .*grin*.Anyway he is a lovely sight to behold …with his faded jeans and old t-shirt ,the bearded face, the longish hair held back by a blue printed bandana, the backpack ..all maketh him..(outwardly).I don’t know why u do this God ..throwing temptation like this …but who am I to question your motives..you are The Boss!So..I drool shamelessly!!
***********************************************
It was haloween weekend..with the fun day falling sadly on a Monday!!.(that rhymed ..awesome!)But it wasn’t going to stop some of us from having a little bit of fun. We made a weird (comparatively not so weird) group of a dog, a cat ,a cow girl ,an Indian flower girl( flower in the sense—the 60s flower girl..and that was ofcourse yours truly..) and spiderman.
We went around the street and saw ALL kinds of sights..there was a man dressed as a baby in diapers with a bib and a feeding bottle around his neck.There was girl who had worn only cones(Madona inspired) placed very strategically (use yr imagination people) and she had a cop accompanying her. And then there were the not so shocking sights as well..

It was pretty late when we got back…things had started getting a bit unruly…the real weirdos and psychos had started appearing and it was definitely time to head back home.
Anyway not a bad haloween at all .
*************************************************
Desperately in need of inspiration and motivation to study. Its no more a question of being overstressed…I need someone to sincerely kick my ass and get me moving ahead. Semester is sort of ending …so a whole lot of assignments , another mid term around the corner ..and my workload is piling up .I also would like to go public with my apologies to all my buddies whom I am not able to mail regularly particularly to you…my e-friend.

HAPPY DIWALI TO ALL!!!