Saturday, December 31, 2005


Boredom, also called ennui (a French word from the Old French enui, root of the English word 'annoy') is a reactive state to wearingly dull, repetitive, or tedious stimuli: suffering from a lack of interesting things to see, hear, etc., or do (physically or intellectually), while not in the mood of "doing nothing". Those afflicted by temporary boredom may regard the affliction as a waste of time, but usually characterize boredom worse than just that. Boredom can also occur as a symptom of clinical depression. *yikes*

Boredom may also lead to impulsive (and sometimes excessive) actions that serve no purpose and may damage one's self-interest.(which explains my behaviour) For example, studies in behavioral finance have shown that stock traders can enter into "overtrading" (buying or selling even without any objective reason to do so) simply because they feel bored when they have nothing worth doing.
My state of boredom:
I purchased 10 vcds(bought them on sale ($1 each) and the best part they are all pretty recent never-seen -before movies) ,borrowed two movies from the lending library for $3.50(to be returned tomorrow) and borrowed two movies from the university library (free ofcourse, to be returned in two days) .Now I need to find the time to sit and watch them all. Hmmm..boredom leading to impulsive actions ,damaging ones self-interest ,while not in the mood of "doing nothing"?!?!.There is plenty of work-work..but the thought itself is boring!!

Friday, December 30, 2005

Current Obsessions

Alternating between…

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand
(Src: Desert Rose- Sting)


Dil kyaa kare jab kisii se kisii ko pyaar ho jaae
Jaane kahaa.N kab kisii ko kisii se pyaar ho jaae
(Src: Dil Kya Kare-Julie)


And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
(Src: Wonderwall-Oasis)

Status :- Going through a silly/mushy/lovey-dovey state of mind.....and wondering and wondering and...

Monday, December 26, 2005

Winter Break and This & That

I think I am already bored with this winter break.Cant wait to get back to classes and all the craziness that comes with it.I didnt have anything fun planned for the holidays,assumed I would be happy just relaxing at home not doing anything.Wrong Assumption!!
I guess I miss feeling frazzled and with no classes to study and prepare for there is nothing to feel frazzled about. Oddly enough I am not able to if I have forgotten how to rleax.So weird.

Anyway Christmas weekend was uneventful.Slept late and got up really really late.We watched a movie late into the night and managed to get slightly spooked .The movie was Hide & Seek and we took it because K was in the mood to get spooked and also Robert-de-Niro happens to be his favourite actor.We survived the movie adjusting the volume.Three cheers to whoever invented Mute.My personal pick was Horseman on the Roof which turned out to be a French movie (pretty good one) and jr's choice was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (must have been good)*roll my eyes*.

Oh and I baked a cake (Chocolate chip cake).The mixture came in a packet ,so the only talent required was to mix it with water,two eggs and three spoons of oil and shove it into the oven and bake it for 50mins.Turned out pretty good actually.

A friend is leaving for home on monday and another leaving sometime in Jan and another leaving sometime in May. And me.... dont know.*sigh*.I miss home..well more then home I miss certain people...and certain places.

Currently listening to the song collection in my real player and one of them goes...

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?
(Src: Joan Osborne's What if God Was One Of Us)
One Question!!...hmm..Do you think the bearded guy with the blue bandana and backpack will fall in love with me?. Lol!I am kidding ofcourse but really I dont know what that one question would be if I did get a chance to ask .Wow!
Well..I could ask Him(assuming God is a guy) what the purpose of my life is ?...but no.. I fear the maybe I wouldnt ask that.Geez this is a tough one.* deep contemplation*
*psssst*Anyone reading this... please share what yr Q would be.

Saturday, December 24, 2005


Ok so I finally hear from two of my buddies N & J .They are ALIVE and thats a big relief in itself.*phew*.However I am still sort of worried about them.They may be alive but I feel or rather I know there is something worrying them.I dont want to play lousy shrink anymore...geez thats scary...but somehow by some magic or whatever let them be happy and high on life.Please !Please!
(These are a few lines I received from my friend N a couple of weeks ago...her new year's offering..
"I will be travelling in the coming weeks.So what can I offer to all in the future years?I can offer my prayers..but I don't bec it's the safest thing that one can offer..n also I'm not a pragmatic to take up the safest things in life.So I offer the my life...bec the people whom I remember in my whole life are those who offered the impossible to others")
Would it be overreacting to say I am a bit worried about her?I feel like blaming all the books she reads and all the ideas on life and relationships that takes shape in that intelligent mind of hers and the fact that she lives alone doesnt really help. I wish she didnt read so much ,I wish she was born stupid.*sigh*.I dont know what I am saying.
There is a mail from J which I had posted but then decided to remove it ...but he worries me too .He thinks he has all these problesm..and that he is a very bad ,mean guy when in reality he is bloody smart , too mature for his age with a very loving heart..sooo loving that he is forever falling in love *grin* and is doing quite well in life although not good enough according to him only because he has set these VERY HIGH stds for himself.*sigh*.Its so difficult to convince him that everything is well and things arent as bad as they seem .Its all in the perception ...all in the mind.Ok ...nopes...I must shut more stupid gyan from me.

Meanwhile I am still wondering where R has disappeared .Man he definitely knows how to test ones patience.But what can I say ...I happen to be "kind" and "graceful"( atleast J thinks so..*grin*) and patience happens to be my middle name...rather my pal R helped me develop the trait .But seriously its time HE made a goddamn appearance because my lovely disposition is abandoning me. Where the hell are you man!!

(Well I dont have a recent mail from our pal to share but I do know he has been searching for a job and perhaps irritated over not landing one yet, but still, he can be in touch....right?And where are the jobs anyway?!?!? People here (by people I mean the ordinary citizens and not the government and since when is the govt diff from people is a whole other discussion ) make a big fuss about out-sourcing and how all the jobs are being exported to India ,yet people like my friend remain unemployed inspite of being technically trained!!!I dont even know whom to blame for creating these situations( the gov?/we the people?/ me?)...and worst of all for messing up friendship.Am I stretching things a bit too much ???...maybe ...but I dont care.I am irritated!)

And how can I not talk about my two lovely friends, the less weird of the lot if I may declare -M and A with whom I have shared the longest time of my life so far.We had this arrangement of voice-chatting over yahoo during the weekends because we happen to be in three different corners of the world.It seemed fun and( eh irritating )for a while but not surprisingly the whole plan fizzled off after a few weekends.I guess I have to be blamed (and this also explains the "irritating" part) as I couldnt participate quite effectively in these international gossiping sessions because I never took the pain to get a microphone ,which meant I could listen to them speak ...but if I had to ask or tell them anything I had to type.Also being the poorest(sudent budget sucks!!) of the lot, all I could afford was a dial up connection which naturally brought down the speed and clarity of the chat sessions.Eventhough we havent talked to each other for a while, the friendship survives.How do I know??Well ,because I know so...its one of those taken-for-granted-friendships which I can bravely declare.I mean these people are not ordinary in anyway because they have suffered me for the last 12 years or so.*respects*
(But then..where the hell are they?Two weeks,me thinks is a loooooong time to be out of contact.)*irritated*)
And then last but not the least there is V whom I would say has the "lust for wandering".His love for travel is infectious .If you think you have been bitten by the travel bug , after talking to him you will think a travel monster ate you up!!!Anyway he recently landed a new job where he has to work night shifts...which in otherwords mean I get to chat with him during my office during breaks.*grin*.Currently he is the only one who is giving me reason to smile.His yahoo status today read : "behind every great man there is a woman and behind every great woman there is a man checking out her ass" *grin*.He also confided in me that he is looking for a girlfriend to "share coffee during cool wintery days and watch movies with".Now trust me on this one...its very rare V gets mushy and gooey this way...but I guess I spoiled the moment by asking him what he wants to do once summer arrives and the movie ends.(Sorry about that budi).*grin*.But I sincerely wish u an awesome girlfriend.
And these are some people who make me happy & sad (aka..worries me),who inspire me most times and disappoint me never.Love ,happiness and peace to them all.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Life Updates

Until Last week.

Going crazy over the finals
Feeling upset about dad being hospitalised
Uncertainities regarding the new job
Playing lousy shrink to a couple of friends
Wondering what the hel happened to them after that. *nervous*
Worrying about my grades.

Since Yesterday.

Got news that dad is improving and might be discharged this weekend.
Got my new appointment for a RA-ship.
Got my grades.

And I feel like singing...

I am on top of the world ,looking down on creation...

*Me grinning like a banshee*

God thanks a bunch for everything...I am mighty happy and I wish the same to everyone in this planet.

However still wondering whats up with my buddies.*nervous*

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Bad Day.

Completely ignoring OSHO’s grand words( refer last post)..I think I am just sick of my life right now.I am just so tired!!!. I don’t want to feel this way..I really would like to take things a bit easy. But unfortunately/sadly its not easy to take things easy or I guess I don’t how to do that.
Been a very bad week so far.

Mess No1: Had a class presentation today and that totally bombed. I really knew what I should be talking about and ended up stammering my way to the last slide.

Mess No 2: I am supposedly working on a “group project” but one gal is apparently busy with some other class assignment…*hello!! I take other classes too!*. and the other guy is Chinese and can barely speak or write english( but he can read and understand) he thinks sending me some stuff copied and pasted from the internet takes care of his part of the work.I can understand language issues ,but dont just send me stuff straight from the net without even making an attempt to find out areas that are relevant to our topic .*WTH*!

Mess No 3: I have a review tomorrow and I should have read some chapters and be ready with doubts and questions…I haven’t touched a page..and I DON’T want to touch a page ,infact I DON’T want to study at all!I am SO MAD at everyone today. The day sucks life seriously sucks and I am unappreciative of everything I have..and I don’t care to apologize for feeling this way.

To add a weird twist to all this…some super insight *free gyan* I got form my Prof today. ..and I quote her

“ If things are simpler its easy to keep track of what is going on”.

Do not be mistaken.It’s a resource economics class and not a class on philosophy and we were discussing technology and its impact on envt.All I could think of was applying the idea to almost every aspect of my life. But that would mean giving up a lot of things which brings me back to the same old point its not freakin EASY to make such choices!! Heck! life royally sucks today.

I am so tired..probably tomorrow will be a better day.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005


Live and allow all that is possible.
Sing,dance,cry,weep,laugh,love ,
meditate,relate,be alone.
Be in the ,marketplace,and
sometimes in the mountains.
Life is short,Live it as richly as possible ,
and dont try to be consistent.
Src: From the Little Book Of Osho..back from the ocean below,out from the trunk full of pebbles,resting on my table top ,the words staring at me.
Now all I need to do is internalise it.*sigh*

Monday, November 28, 2005

Thanksgiving 2005.

Enjoyed or rather trying to enjoy the thanksgiving weekend.I didn’t make any special plans for Thanksgiving Day—no partying or outing with friends . Just stayed at home, ate like crazy and ehh….. got sloshed with K.*grin*. Actually I don’t need a lot to get sloshed or end up with a hang over and the few occasions that has happened I had promised myself not to repeat it. But what can I say..some times u just don’t remember the lessons you learnt or the promises you made earlier or in truth you choose not to remember it..*grin*.

But I THINK everything is back to focus …so let me brag about the menu-I had chicken wings cooked in tequilla and lime which was mindblowing..It was pre-cooked ,frozen pack(nopes I cant claim any credit) which I baked again for 20 mins in the oven. Perfecto!!! *drool*.Some bread and “I Cant Believe Its Not Butter”(margarine) as accompaniment and it was all washed down with some gin and orange juice(explains how I got sloshed..pathetic really).For dessert it was cheesecake. I am sure any food connoisseurs reading this might be on the verge of throwing up and all the dead ones might be turning in their grave. The combination does sound close to lethal..but nothing dreadful has happened yet. Anyway I enjoyed the feast thoroughly and who ever invented chessecake should be bestowed the Nobel Price for peace…or atleast he/she has the potential to win one. I say call a meeting of all the warring nations and serve them cheesecake. Solution to world peace lies on a platter of cheesecake…no kidding..because Man! its delicious !!!and it can melt the most uncompromising of hearts . hmmm…that has to be the Gin speaking.*hee…ccuup*.

Went for a movie after a really looooooooooooong time. It was the new adaptation of Pride and Prejudice -keera knightly( as Elizabeth) and the guy(the one playing dear Mr Darcey) cant remb his name, both looked awesome. More than the movie I enjoyed the music..(the background score)… some excellent piano. The music haunts you long after the show. Also some of the visuals*Goosebumps*.It was running in one of the multiplexes here .I went with R ,a Jane Austin MANIAC!!.We were about 10 mins into the movie and it ran into some technical malfunction and all of us were requested to move to the next hall. We ------------ had the back row middle seat (an excellent view) and ended up sitting in the second row from front and an almost neck sprain at the end of the movie. However all was forgiven when the officials distributed two free passes for the next show, valid till January06. I had checked out a couple of trailers and posters of movies yet to release…there is Ice Age II( animations RULE and I love Sid!!!) and then there is also a Steve Martin comedy (Cheaper by the Dozen II..have seen part I and lord its funny!) and Memoirs of a Geisha(has anyone read the book?).Now all I need to do is pick one and FIND THE TIME to watch!!!*sigh*.
Paid a visit to the temple (ISKCON ) and requested some divine intervention ,purpose being–peace in general. Amen!
And the weekend continues...with the dreadful Monday looming around the corner.

Friday, November 25, 2005


I went bog hopping yesterday and found that almost everyone has posted their SEVEN list. Shirin had tagged me but never got the time to post it earlier.So here it is..…

Seven Things I Plan to Do ( I had posted a wish list of things I want and want to do …sometime in the beginning ….when I started my blog and that list is still live and active except for one or two). So besides those I plan to…

1) Get my Degree.
2) Join the BEST n.g.o ever.
3) Put Jr in the BEST school possible.
4) Travel ! Travel ! Travel!
5) Own a shack in an awesome place somewhere on this planet
6) Get an i-pod
#7) Go up to the long haired bearded guy with a bandana and back pack and tell him .
‘hey u have no right to be so handsome!’( just kidding ofcourse)
7) Cut my hair a little short ( consider #7 invalid)

Seven Things I can Do

1) Love
2) Make people laugh/smile
3) Irritate people.(not very proud of it but cant make everyone happy either)
4) Cook although not an expert.
5) Be thankful to my parents
6) Enjoy music ..oh well… anything creative and artistic actually
7) Play Badminton( not professionally and I still don’t know half the rules…but love the game, also love scrabble)

Seven things I cant Do

1) Not love Jr , K and U.
2) Write well ( although at one point I had dreams of writing a book..imagine!!)
3) Keep everything in order too long.
4) Grow roots and settle ( might change my mind when I turn 60..dont know)
5) Sing
6) Control my tears( both for joy and sadness. to the point that people close to me ignore me. It’s a genetic thing actually. My mom has the same problem.)
7) Save money

Seven Things I say most often

1) Hi/hello
2) Awesome
3) Thanks
4) Sorry *grin*
5) Just relax
6) Oh Shit!
7) What the hell/heck!

Seven people I want to tag
You have all been tagged already..but if you want to extend your list ..then please utilize this opportunity.

Rajesh(the man who started it all)

Otherwise anyone and everyone who is reading this and wants to join the fun.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


Just went through a very hectic ,crazy week. It amazes me the kind of situations life throws at you. Sounds as though I am holding life responsible for all my situations. If its my life , then whatever (atleast most of the) situations I come across has to be a consequence of my actions or choices I make. Ye right !!....duh!
Well....whatever the choices I have made and may have to make in future is worrying me to death. Probably I am overreacting or probably I am not. Probably everything is fine and I don’t really see it. Probably worrying makes me feel I am in touch with whats happening around and therefore it makes me entitled to some comfort and sympathy and empathy and an occasional “hey how do u do it all” remark that folks throw at me.

Anyway… these are some of the choices I had to pick from….

To make a choice of staying and working in my own country or shifting to a whole new land where occasionally I end up asking myself “what the hell am I doing here?”
To make a choice between relaxing at home or slogging your way through grad school a second time!
To make a choice between making your parents pay for your tuition or getting a loan to pay through grad school.
To make a choice between getting some easy Cs than working hard for an A.
To make a choice between working on a project that would pay you and get you a tuition waiver or working with this awesome brilliant professor who has no money to offer but some awesome advice and opportunity to write some papers that has the potential to get published in the best journals.
To make a choice between staying in a nice comfortable easy job in the library or accepting to work in a project that has some great perks but will be very demanding .

…and I didn’t pick anything easy and probably I am suffering the consequences of my choices ..but the weird part is if I am given a second chance to pick I might end up making the same choices. So the issue now is am I making these choices out of greed or am I trying to prove something to myself or to others or is it because I have this weird notion that all this would make me a more productive and contributing citizen. Hmmm..looks like I am searching for some answers here. Maybe I need to see a shrink or maybe I don’t .Perhaps all I need to do is dig into my conscience and figure it out myself. Oh gee!! we go again…more choices…WTH!

(This is an explanation to ME .I wasn’t playing hide and seek budi. I was working on a bloody difficult assignment. One assignment and it can wreck your life!!! Makes no sense but thats what happened. I know its wrecked because thats when I turn philosophical and start questioning my choices and decisions.)

Happy Thanksgiving to All!!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Flashback from Year 2010

The Present:-

I realize that my visits to my blog is very irregular. If I ever decided to go back to the archives and read my previous blogs , 5 years from now, it would look as though some days of my life had gone missing. At the moment it sounds very dramatic perhaps but I am sure I would be quite pissed or irritated then wondering what kept me occupied during these unaccounted days. Was it really something terribly important and worthwhile or was it because I was lazy , irregular and disorganized.

Back from the Future:-

Well, just to straighten the record,I would like to state that I am actually quite busy and yes I am doing something terribly important and worthwhile(which I agree is relative) and is keeping me so occupied that I cannot find time to drop by my blog and update on my lifez happenings. But all is well.*grin*
That said I am currently in my lab working on something terribly important (not sure worthwhile) and I must get back to it ASAP. However I do appreciate the fact that God invented blogging and I own a blog (again relative) and I can use , misuse and abuse it .

Happy Blogging to All!!

(PS : Maybe I have a corrupt mind (hopefully its just a temporary status) but everytime I use the word “blogging” I get the feeling that I am using a foul x- rated language.)Ok I am slightly embarrassed now. Time to disappear!)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I Am So Pleased..

...with this result.Since I have nothing else to post I thought i'll as well make myself feel good.Found this quiz in ME's blog.Took it and here I present the result.Its flattering.

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Not bad hu??...

Thursday, November 10, 2005

And I say...Shit!!!

Today has been an irritating and dull day for no apparent reason.Not very good. I am in the mood to whine and this blog seems to serve the purpose( this blog has more whiny posts than happy posts anyway).Whine and make it available for the whole world to read and comment.But its a good thing I suppose--especially when you have good people telling you good things.

Its like I told R the other day ' nothing new happening at my end except for occassional hits on the head and new revelations that comes with it ,which makes you go..ooohhhhh okaay'.
Anyway on dull irritating days like this when there arent any hits on the head or pats on the back or reassuring hugs... I sometimes turn to my lovely Little Book of Osho.So today I read him and this is what he says..

"Why do you feel so discontented;
why do you feel always so dissatisfied for no particular reason at all?
Even if everything is going well ,something is missing.
What is missing?-you have never listened to your own being."

You have never listened to your own being????? Yea right...if I started listening to my own being to keep me happy then that would be the new definition for Trouble!!
*Little Book of Osho put in a box full of pebbles and dumped into the ocean*(for the time being).

Aaaand I hear Janis Joplin singing in her strong awesome voice..

"Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams,
Telling myself it’s not as hard as it seems."
Src:Never the Bride -Going to California

Hmmm..sorry Janis....not helping at the moment..

Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Occassionally I get these thoughts..
Should have been born Pre-Independence(1920s atleast)
Should have been born into a large family(6 siblings all brothers)
Should have stuck to science in college.
Should have moved out from home when I turned 18
Should have become an Architect or some kind of artist
Should have gone in for a live-in relationship.

Often I get these thoughts...
Want to save the planet(generally speaking)
Want to get a tattoo
Want to work somewhere in Africa
Want the long haired bearded guy with a bandana and backpack tell me He Loves Me(just once goddamnit!!!)
Want to get my Degree ASAP
Want to tell Jr and K that they Are The Best and I Love Them!!

Rarely I get this thought....
Am a bit crazy and slightly out of touch with reality.

I am not sure I like posts where I am listing out things but I seem to be doing that often.*hmmm*There is something very calculated and organised about lists... and I am not a big fan of either.

Sometimes (not surprisingly)I get this thought...
Confuse myself.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

In Honor Of My Work Space

Ever heard the expression Organized Chaos?Thats one way to describe my workspace( appears organized to me and perhaps chaotic to others(never asked)).Its also colorful ,inspiring,and interesting.Wonder if ones work space reflects ones personality.
Then in my case
1) Colorful?...hmm..debatable.
2)Inspiring..hmm..well I like to think so.*a question mark face*
3)Interesting? ..hmm..oh yea *hear people booing*( now come on show me some love people)
4)Organised?...hmm....not really
5)Chaotic?...hmm..invalid question.*grin*.
But anyway I love my space and this is where most of the action the sense-where I spend most of my time..studying,writing,blogging, browsing,and yapping.
Herez the evidence:-
The Space of Higher Learning!

Another mid term got over yesterday.Phew! And now there are these two assignments which is hanging over my neck like the freaking sword of Democles.*sigh*.Maybe I should compare one assignment to the sword and the other to a tiny pocket knife.*lame grin*.The sword is making me restless.I am stuck at a point and I want to move forward but that doesnt seem happening.Not that I am lazy( a rare occurance) but I am kind of clueless on how to proceed.*sigh*.Also its the weekend and with the major chunk of the work yet to be accomplished there goes the weekend.Tomorrow as well be a monday!!*sniff*

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


...I saw him again..this time at the bus stop.Why does God have to make such beautiful looking people..*sigh* (eh…beautiful to me and I am sure to a lot of people).I keep bumping into him all the time which really doesn’t help much. Mostly its at the library.He is there because he USES the place extensively and I am there because I WORK there .*grin*.Anyway he is a lovely sight to behold …with his faded jeans and old t-shirt ,the bearded face, the longish hair held back by a blue printed bandana, the backpack ..all maketh him..(outwardly).I don’t know why u do this God ..throwing temptation like this …but who am I to question your are The Boss!So..I drool shamelessly!!
It was haloween weekend..with the fun day falling sadly on a Monday!!.(that rhymed ..awesome!)But it wasn’t going to stop some of us from having a little bit of fun. We made a weird (comparatively not so weird) group of a dog, a cat ,a cow girl ,an Indian flower girl( flower in the sense—the 60s flower girl..and that was ofcourse yours truly..) and spiderman.
We went around the street and saw ALL kinds of sights..there was a man dressed as a baby in diapers with a bib and a feeding bottle around his neck.There was girl who had worn only cones(Madona inspired) placed very strategically (use yr imagination people) and she had a cop accompanying her. And then there were the not so shocking sights as well..

It was pretty late when we got back…things had started getting a bit unruly…the real weirdos and psychos had started appearing and it was definitely time to head back home.
Anyway not a bad haloween at all .
Desperately in need of inspiration and motivation to study. Its no more a question of being overstressed…I need someone to sincerely kick my ass and get me moving ahead. Semester is sort of ending …so a whole lot of assignments , another mid term around the corner ..and my workload is piling up .I also would like to go public with my apologies to all my buddies whom I am not able to mail regularly particularly to you…my e-friend.


Saturday, October 29, 2005


Personal achievements so far

hmmmm…*deep contemplation*

Personal future achievements (purely selfish in nature…some foolish …some not so foolish)

1) Get my current degree(read this somewhere..BS= Bull shit , MS= More shit, PhD= Piled higher and deeper)
2) Join UNEP
3) Save the planet (a very ambitious task..but I like to aim high)
4) Trek across Mongolia(and that maybe just the beginning)
5) Have my own shack on top of a Tibetan plateau ( a good company would be awesome!)
6) Travel by train and discover India(idea rekindled after watching Gandhi…and jfr I have a crush on Charlie the clergyman)
7) Join V on the trip across the Amazon( just thinking about it gives me a high!)
8) Find the one who will hopelessly fall in love with me, and admire me and etc etc etc..(wish it were u..but....)
9) Attend a Pearl Jam rock concert(or atleast see Eddie Veddar in person and hear him sing and play the guittar.What the heck...and Eric Sweetheart Clapton too)
10) See jr happy and enjoying life
11) And finally die an awesome death(whatever that means)

Just for the a personal reminder… in the middle of achieving the above stated I hope to try and be a better person, be less selfish *sigh* and keep my pride and dignity intact.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

FUKC Greenpeace!!!

In the latest campaign news I received from Greenpeace...
It takes 90 yrs to grow a box of Kleenex and Kimberly and Clark ,the makers of Kleenex and other tissue and toilet products refuse to make them from recycled paper--instead they are cutting down trees --sometimes the rarest and oldest forests on the planet.As part of their campaign greenpeace has come up with this new acronym FUKC(Forget Using Kimberly-Clark)
A sample of the campaign t-shirt .....(Viewer Discretion Advised)*grin*

They are hosting a t-shirt competition on new a t-shirt design with the acronym 'FUKC' that needs to be accompanied somewhere on the t-shirt by the saying explicitly "Forget Using Kimberly-Clark".So if anyone inspired enough--good luck!

Friday, October 21, 2005


There are certain days when you feel like a complete nitwit---a jackass---an idiot.Today is the day for me. See what I mean....


Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I Am Wondering....

......If an individual had these two options in front which one would he or she pick . A poll might give me some idea but….
Anyway which could be the better of the two ,which would make a person feel better,eventually?

The options are…

Accept the love of someone who would treat you well and give you a lot of joy although there is going to be no future in it(short lived /temporary in nature mostly due to circumstances)


Stay away from all these short term involvements no matter how wonderful and sincere(debatable but possible I think) and pine for someone whom you seriously & wholeheartedly love ,for the rest of your life even though he doesn’t love you back.

Perhaps the two situations seem a bit weird and a bit incomprehensible and uncommon but strangely enough I have came across a situation like this and all my ,over theyears ,accumulated wisdom fails me.*sigh*.One promises joy and the other doesn’t offer much joy but there is more truth and sincerity in it. Personally I do feel strongly about one thing and that is -I don’t believe it’s humanly possible to be in love with just one person for the rest of yr life…but try telling that to someone who claims to be in love!! Which basically still leaves me with no answer.*hmmm*

On further ponderings and analysis this post might be removed and thrown to the dumps!

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


I am confused. Confused about my course plan ,the courses I should be taking, what I am really interested in. On a broader perspective I know I want to save the planet *roll my eyes* but narrow it down to something more practical and feasible I am lost. My problem is a bit like - Jill of all trades and master of none...well kind of. I like all the courses thats available and they are all new and tough to me anyway. So I could pick any but I cannot and even if I can which one do I pick. I like to be out there doing impact assessments and making policy decisions and if possible putting all those goddamn dam builders in jail .I also want to be out there finding out the rate of forest growth in the Amazonian jungles or tackling the groundwater issues in India. Its such a tough choice because I am fascinated by both. Now I am thinking if there is some way I could get the best of both worlds(a tad bit ambitious I know) and since I am here and slogging I as well make the most of it. But everytime I talk to my advisor he goes “ but it is important to take courses which has a general cohesiveness and gives you the solid foundation "..blah blah blah……Yea ..yea ..ok... ok...*exasperating sigh*
There are some class mates of mine who are soo decided on what they want to be doing. You ask them what their plans are ..and they go “Oh I wanna find out how sedimentation is causing problems to the coral reef ecosystem along the coast of wherever and how its affecting a certain kind of marine species" ---blah blah blah…and all I can do is stare at them in admiration and bewilderment!!
In the electives there is a course on --ecological anthropology..and its sooo darn interesting.(It was put there only to add to my torture *grrr*). The way I see it I need to know the complex relationship between man and envt.I need to understand how important forests are to us, how the tribals in our land live…how important forests are to them…how they do(atleast they most of our forests are in a sad pathetic state) resource management without any fancy degrees… *sigh*.
Anyway now I am wondering what are the chances of my professor reading this post..*hmmm*.Highly unlikely says my intuitive power.

Saturday, October 15, 2005


What a week!!Just finished with a quizz and a mid term exam....studied so much that i feel my head-weight has increased..*grin*.Anyway..the exams are done and I have learnt so much I feel good as well as freakin exhausted!!
Went straight to India Market(the only place where u get hindi movies) with my friend M .Gave her a crash course on hindi movies, introduced her to AB sr and jr*sigh* and made her buy frozen aloo -parattas. I got myself two DVDs-Mangal Pandey and Ijaazat. MP was such a downer.....thought it would make me feel patriotic and sentimental and blah blah blah... but all I felt was absolutely nothing...the movie just failed to evoke any emotions in me...switched it off half way .Ofcourse Aamir was looking gorgeous with his long hair and mush(well to me any guy would look awesome with long hair tied into a pony tail....oooor...maybe not all guys but most guys *grin*).At one point I had suggested that K grow his hair long ...but ofcourse as usual it was considered to be one among my many other "outlandish" suggestions.hmmm.Why cant people be a little more adventurous!!...BUGS ME!!

Just finished seeing Ijaazat..(ooold movie-N.shah,Rekha and Anuradha Patel)Soooooper!!Actually this is the third time I am watching it(twice ofcourse in India).It was an awesome surpirse to find the movie here.Its one of those offbeat movies that never ever reaches the theatre or maybe this one did clue. Plan to make a copy of the movie before I return it....ehh..nothing legal about it.. but...

...I need to get some sleep and in my ears I hear these lines..
meraa kuchh saamaan tumhaare paas padaa hain
saawan ke kuchh bheege bheege din rakhe hain
aaur mere ek khat mein lipatee raat padee hain
wo raat bujhaa do, meraa wo saamaan lautaa do..

(gulzar!! Asha!! ..Perfect!!)

Monday, October 10, 2005


I was working at the library,filing some documents and I saw these lines typed on a strip of paper ,stuck on the filing cabinet.Its been almost one month since i started working at the library and must have filed about a dozen times and TODAY I notice this paper.*hmmm* So much for my power of observation!!!

Anyway this is what was written:-

Books are masters who instruct us without rods or ferules,without words or anger,without bread or money.If you approach them ,they are not asleep;if you seek them,they do not hide;if you blundnr,they do not scold;if you are ignorant they do not laugh.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Prof E2D of Tibetan Studies Talks....

The Tibetan movie I went to yesterday was on Tibet’s Lost Child---aka The Panchem Lama (the 10th reincarnate) aka Gendun Choekyi Nyima from Tibet who disappeared at the age of 6 four days after the Dalai Lama made the declaration.The Chinese following the disappearance declared six-year old boy, Gyaltsen Norbu from China , as the 11th Panchen Lama.(a communist country making a religious decission....kinda strange..sint it?) Its been almost four years since his disappearance and there is no confirmed evidence of his being alive.(it is rumoured that he is under house arrest by the Chinese Government,in an undisclocsed location).HH the Dalai Lama believes that he is alive and wants him to be released so that the boy may receive the necessary religious training and be educated on Buddhist philosophy and way of life as he is technically going to be the religious leader of the Tibetan Buddhists. The Dalai Lama is both the spiritual as well as the political head of the country.
The Dalai Lama is considered to be the reincarnation of Avalokiteshvara( the Tibetan –Buddha of Compassion) which literally means World ward Looking Lord and the Panchem Lama is the reincarnation of Amitabha the Buddha of Infinite-Light.Both the Dalai Lama and the Panchem Lama are believed to be living Gods who are re-incarnated again and again and technically the Dalai lama selects the Panchem Lama when the old one dies and vice versa .
The movie also touched upon the non-violent struggle by the Tibetans for freedom from the Chinese, the opinions of political and religious leaders, China and Tibet experts and the massive involvement of the international student community through the Students For A Free Tibet organisation.This movie series is organised by the SFT grp of our university.
Ok…that’s all Prof E2D of Tibetan Studies has to share today...

The movie was good on the whole---more informative than entertaining---obviously!!
Missed out on the blue haired psycho’s company…probably could have got a lot more insights on Tibetan Buddhism .I bumped into him in the parking lot after the show and we were both surprised to see each other as we both thought that the other had not come.Well……happens!!

It’s the weekend and why don’t I feel happy about it???? *sigh*.Maybe because fun days have ceased to exist and I am constantly overwhelmed with all the work that needs to be taken care of. I am going through a “Life is Soooo Tough Phase”…should pass…hopefully soon…fingers crossed.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Blue Haired Psycho

Got to know an interesting character at the library today.He is a senior who works there and although I have seen him (well its kinda hard to miss him)never got introduced to him .Today my boss officially introduced us and asked him to show me the "closed shelves" section .W is this tall ,funny ,weird lookin guy...more like a tall kid in adult sized clothes . My boss calls him "the psycho".He dresses weird and his hair is coloured sky blue.No kidding!!He is the only guy in the campus with blue hair!!...I mean I have seen other colors but only him with can never miss him.
And so he took me for the grand tour of the closed shelves where they have these amazing collection of tibetan (buddhist), Sanskrit,Chinese and other manuscripts,old antique books ,maps and scrolls.It's awesome.The place is in one isolated corner on the 2nd floor of the library and is kinda spooky and W was making scary sound effects as we entered.It was like playing haunted house or something.*grin*.The next fun part was while going back to the office---we were in the lift and he said lets go for a ride and pressed the 4th floor instead of the 1st floor and so we went all the way up and then all the way down...*lol*.What can I say... the visit was super fun.

W is a student of tibetan studies and was so visibly excited to take me around and explain and show me some of the manuscripts.Thats when I remembered about the tibetan movie series thats going on in the campus and asked him about it.Apparently W was desperately searching for some info on the when, where etc etc.He asked me to let him know if I hear anything about it.Well I knew somebody had sent me a mail regarding the next show but just couldnt remember the date ,time and place.Later when I got home and checked ,found that the movie is scheduled for tomorrow at 6.30 at the architecture auditorium.Emailed W and pretty soon got a reply from him syaing that "you rule!!"...."cya tomorrow at the show" .Its on Tibet's Stolen Child(the pancham lama).Planning to go if time permits....and probably I might have a blue haired psycho for company.*grin*

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Stairway To Heaven

No I am not dying...its just this...
Stairway to Heaven

The picture is of a place called the Stairway to Heaven .My friend sent it from Hawaii.She had gone trekking there with some of her buddies...and its a really difficult trek--pretty scary too...atleast thats what she said.Isnt it simply awesome!?!One too..*sigh*
Which also reminded me of this awesome song by Led Zeppalin... posting a few lines which feels as though its telling me something....
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
Woe oh oh oh oh oh
And she's buying a stairway to heaven

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forest will echo with laughter
And it makes me wonder
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen
Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
I dont know if everyone experiences this...but most of the songs I enjoy either reflect my state of mind or are trying to tell me something.ehhh---any shrinks(professional or self-declared) reading this---looking forward to your valuable comments.

Monday, October 03, 2005

And He Left.

My friend P left today. Feeling very sad. We are pretty cool friends….I think we both admire each other and share an awesome bond. The expression friend and a philosopher fits him so perfectly. Thats what he is to me.
Had a great weekend…pretended to be tourists and explored around , talked almost non-stop,impressed him with my cooking and even managed to squeeze in a movie. I wanted him to see the motorcycle diaries(K managed to get the dvd)…only to inspire him to travel around South America during his next trip .
Anyway he is going back to India in a couple of days and I don’t know when I’ll see him next. He took the trouble of coming here only to visit me and that makes it harder to see him go. Even K was feeling a bit sad eventhough this is the first time they met. Anyway I already miss him. May he have a great trip back home.
Its business as usual from tomorrow and I have to get over all the fun, all the sadness , all the missing and tune myself to lectures, assignments ,quizzes , work and home.*sigh*.Why cant good times last for ever?!?!

Saturday, October 01, 2005


I lost the key to my appartment along with the laundry room key.It was stolen actually...and I feel scared.All the expenses for replacing the keys is another sad factor.I feel sick ,angry ,upset and feel like throwing up.

Thsi song playing in my real player--my current obsession...although not able to enjoy it as much today.
Andhera pagal hey
Kitna ghanera hey
Chubta hey
Dasta hey
Phir bhi wo mera hey
Uski hi godi mai
Sir rakhke sona hey
Uski hi bahoon mey
Chupke se Rona hey
Ankho se kaajal ban
Behta andhera hey
(OST:Parineeta-Raat hamari tho)

Friday, September 30, 2005

Back To Square One.

We are creatures of habit arent we?? After yesterday's pause life is back to normal..or should I say abnormal.Had an exam today and it sucked big time!!! I thought I was prepared---but one look at the Q.Paper was enough for me to realize that I was anything but prepared.It was all situational questions and I would have figured them out if only I had like about three hours instead of the 1 hour we were given.I dont know how the others did....buit I didnt do very not feeling very good about myself right now.Wonder if she will agree for a retest *hmmm*.
Found R online today morning and chatted for about 5 mins...... with the exam looming over my head I had to cut short the conversation .But it was nice conv anyway..
My hippie friend/role model P arrives tomorrow for a short visit.Found a great place for him to stay at the campus.He will be here for three days...plan to show off my cooking skills (might use shirin's chicken recepie)and take him around.So...I am off to the grocers and yea definitely clean up the house.

Oh and...

Happy b'day to me.
Happy b'day to me me.
Happy b'day to me.

Thx Rr for being the first one to wish and the only one to wish.Thats how popular I am *grin*

(PS: mom , dad , K ...heeeellloo?? remb me???...I am waiting.)

Thursday, September 29, 2005

And How Do You Understand Something Like this?

My class mate Erin passed away monday night.Apparently she never woke up from her sleep.B,her boyfriend ,also in our class ,was there and called 911 for help but by then it was too late.The reason is still not very clear and apparently she didnt have any health issues...although there is a speculation that she died of some sort of haemoraging in the brain.We had a class today--and our Prof who is also the department chair broke the news to us at the end of the class.He said the department had arranged for a counsellor in case any of us wanted to talk .I did notice that Erin and B were missing from class...but...
So very shocking ...the whole class is in shock.Erin was extremely reserved and so is B and they mostly kept to themselves...except during lab....but she still was part of our group and we were all getting to know each other.
Its just so crazy--she was so young and so bright.When you hear such things you want to stop for a while and think about the mad rush you are in all the time...all the stress...all the dream chasing...all the crazy competition ...all the planning ahead...meanwhile forgetting to LIVE!!...and one day u are gone...just like that...without any explanations without any warnings.
I am crying for her ,for B's loss,and for myself .for taking things tooo seriously sometimes.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Does Anyone Know?

Does anyone know how it feels to love someone yet be disregarded by that person?
Are you supposed to feel terrible ?
Or are you supposed to feel ok?…
Or shouldnt it matter at all?...
becos then it makes your love unconditional…doesn’t it?
Does anyone know?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


nothing inspires me today...
nothing surprises me today...
nothing makes me feel happy today...
nothing makes me feel sad today...
nothing makes me want to crib and complain today...
nothing make sme feel alive today
and so....
nothing more to say today.

Monday, September 26, 2005

A Friend Wrote To A Friend.

You asked me about my dreams/plans: there are just too many of them.You already know my love for travel .And by travel ,I hate to do the typical tourist stuff(I mean you know package tours and stuff).I want to go to a place ,live there for a short while and explore it inside out-walk through the streets and lanes ,nooks and crannies ,understand the place ,get a sense of the place, experience the place.I LOVE to travel and I have tremendous amount of energy to travel. Again not to go visit a relative at the other end of the planet ,but to do my kind of traveling. Get me?? There is a HUGE difference betw the two in case you aren’t familiar!!!

I want to learn photography and capture those magical moments that I might encounter during my travels...just freeze time and enjoy the moment for ever. Open stark spaces , sweeping landscapes and mountains gives me a big thrill . Have you ever tried walking across a remote deserted stretch of land at night under a moon and star lit sky. I have and trust me it is AMAZING!!! The number of stars above you is endless and you feel as though you are in another planet!!As though you are stranded in space. After that experience just to feel something close to it ,I have slept on the terrace at my friend's place..under a cloudless night sky!!*grin*(although its a sad substitute for the real still comes highly recommended)

And ofcourse one day i am goin to build my dream house.I dont care if its a tiny shack or a goddamn palace...its the location that matters to me.Sometimes I want to live by the sea ,sometimes I want to live up in the mountains. There is beauty and fun in both so kind of hard to decide where I will build my humble abode. Tibet remains the current fav spot.*grin*.And when its done you are most definitely welcome.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Quiz Time..Know Me Better.

Found the link to these Quizzes at Joker's blog and tried them out for funsakes.. these are the results.


You know that you remembered to put on underwear today...

But really, that's about it!

Ok...that is pretty much the truth...I can be sooo absent minded..i have searched for my darn glasses having them resting on my nose all the while.Just ask my mom..she has stories to tell.*grin*

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.

You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.

The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.

Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

And I am the Queen of The World!!!*yippeee*.
(An honest confession..eventhough this is the result of my first attempt...I tried the second(hidden talent quiz)twice...just that usual I liked more than one choice and I must say the others that I picked arent too bad either.Looks like I aint that bad a person at all...and I got pleny of talent.*grin*...but..ehhh...obviously lack modesty/humility.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


I am bone tired!!Submitted a really difficult assignment ...been working on it the whole and the whole class looked haggered!!And guess what the prof does---he announces a quizz for monday.*heartless creep*
I was soooo looking forward to having a relaxing weekend..maybe go to ISKCON on sunday and spent some time there etc etc.I dont think thats going to happen now.
Anyway...there are better things to share than just my I got this surprise mail from R.I mean its like the mother of all surprises getting a mail from our pal.So that sort of made my day.
Then got some offlines from my e-friend J who has broken some sort of record at his work place...ok I am not doing a good job of conveying his can feel his enthusiasm and excitement check this out:-

J: Hi, just got the final numbers today... here's what it is.
J: The total % of revenue generated from affiliates shot up to 40.5% in aug.. and 44.5% in september to date
J: 40.5% is the highest ever in this year.. and 44.5% is a new record.. these ppl never even
J: i'm so happy..
J: i'm going crazy.. i'm gonna go home and work on the numbers and pull up all kinds of graphs and make all sorts of analysis.. I mean, I love working on %ages and the excel.. its sooo kewl

*Applause Everybody* happy for you J.

Thursday there is a combodian movie at the Center for South Asian Studies...would love to go...but not sure if there will be any company.I am a bit of sucker for foreign films...the odd silence ,the english sub-titles... the works...i luv it all.!Yea...I know.... I sound like one of those pseudo-intellectuals but thats ok...

Today at work was checking in books and I came across a book and found this quote on top and it goes:-
"As to love who have I ever loved ? I am too insane to love anybody else but me but I have decided to change".-
(I think this quote was by Jack Kerouac an eccentric american writter)

Got inspired and created my own version of the quote:-

"As to love who have I ever loved but U?I am too insane to love anybody else but U but I have decided to change".
*grin*...I like this...worth stealing!

Friday, September 23, 2005

The 55 Words Story

Joker tagged me and i am supposed to write a story in 55 words(actually there's a little more than 55).So here goes...

Once upon a time….

There was a donkey and his master who had three children Inky,Pinky and Ponky.The donkey was loyal and hardworking and never complained but the master never cared much. One day donkey died and the master realized his worth and he cried. Moral:-Worth of a loyal donkey-priceless!! For everything else there is master card!.

*grin*.this is what happens when I get tagged …that too for story writing.

Just realized I miss all my friends....*sigh* and I still havent written my regular mail to my e-friend J.*sigh again*

And my real player sings to me....

Ishq gava hey har ek dard ki....Zangeer ishq hey har ek riste ki...(Src:Nusrat FatehAli Khan)

And i miss talking to you.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Post From Work.

I am back at the library..technically working but blogging.Yea u guessed it I am back at the microforms desk.Just finished helping out this guy who said he is new to the machine and wanted help loading the microfilms.Awesome!I almost said join the club pal.
But I went... confident and almost clueless, fiddled around with the machine and got it working...he said I was a genious!!lol!!Yea right!
Hmm...I am seriously worried and stressed out--so much that I can feel and visualise the formation of ulcers in my intestines*gross*!There are these ...assignment deadlines, an exam around the corner,a friend visiting next week and its hard finding time for all this and family.

Well I really dont mean to crib because these are all a result of the choices I made..soooo... I am willing and ready....but at times I need to vent(crib)--its healthy. I sound as though I am making excuses for writing in my own blog??gees!!!
My timez up and I am off work.

I am listening to this pakistani song by some dude named Atif and it goes something like..ab aadat si pad gayi.......Would have liked to post the entire lyrics..but thats too much effort.Anyway the lyrics are peeerfect.Its fits my state of mind.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

What Makes Blogs Interesting To Me?

This is actually in answer to a question I read in another blog.Well…it tells me so much about people…their lifestyles, their experiences, their thoughts and their perceptions on life and how it should be lived.

It is never about getting to know the individual behind the writings…its about knowing a person... in the sense how he or she reacts and feels at different circumstances. Sometimes I come across stories that I can relate to so well and I think ..'ok I am not alone here’…and sometimes I cannot…but it still does give me a different point of view. In short blogs act as a cheap yet excellent shrink to me.*grin*.Sometimes the things people tell are true and sometimes they are just cooked up …but it doesn’t matter because to me its getting to hear a story and how it affects me...I am not trying to form any relationship here.
I love this freedom blog provides be honest ,to lie, (ok fantasize would be a better word I guess)to tell stories, to vent, to crib, to weep and do what not…..provided relationships strictly prohibited!!

Ok…to the people on the other side of the fence…I am not suggesting that it is impossible or its a sin to get to know an individual through his /her blog…I am sure great friendships have been formed or soul-mates have been found..and I truly wish them the best.
But to me its more about freedom!

Just a tit-bit..

Was getting back home ..took The Bus and this african american guy sitting next to me asked if I was from India and I said yea. Then he told me beautiful people..they are.. and then he said ‘great to meet you’. I decided to take it as an indirect compliment and I am gloating here.*grin*.Yea I know shameless me!!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Sunday!!...And I Am Working!!!

Yaawwn!!I am feeling so sleepy...Its a sunday and I could be sleeping if I wanted to but cant because I am at the freezing library working.My boss assigned me to operate the Microforms service desk.I was hoping to find the microforms area empty but there a couple of folks checking out stuff.God!!..What are these people doing here on a sunday?? Ok..its not that I am frustrated about their lack of a better plan to use up precious sunday ..but having people around the area means a possible request to troubleshoot...and that scares me.I am new to these machines and their mechanics.I did get a crash training(well cant call it training-just a quick intro maybe) but that has hardly helped boost my confidence.Anway as I type this I am praying hard to be either spared from the ordeal or for time to just fly(I have to rest my butt here for an hour *sigh*).The only good thing is as long as nobody bothers me I can use the net as much as I want...but darn the time and the time difference none of my buddies here or in India are online.*sigh*.So...guess the next best thing is blogging....

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Surreal Friday

Its the weekend!!! and I am chilling friday evening doing something sooo perfect it almost seems surreal...
I am watching a malyalam movie( an outright comedy) munching banana chips and sipping cream soda......*sigh of contentment*
There is nothing else left to say.

Thursday, September 15, 2005


I started my work today—didn’t expect it at all *sulk*. On training for two days—and after that the real work starts.
Skipped breakfast and had a very late lunch…and then the damn headache started*sulk*. Was supposed to go with Rr to some premier show at the park..followed by dinner at this cool place where you get the most delicious cheesecake. I dropped out…think Rr also..
K and jr arrive tomorrow and I want to cook something decent but this stupid headache is fast turning into a migraine…and my cheerful disposition has all but abandoned me.*sulk*

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Pal Bhar Ke Liye In Aankhon May Hum Ek Zamana Doondte Hey

Title roughly translated into English- For a moment I search in these eyes an entire lifetime.

Ok first of all the title has nothing to do with the contents *grin*....
....What a busy day it was. First the class, where the prof threatened us with an exam (this one is like the big fiercesome ugly brother of the little baby quizzes we otherwise have)..which means we all/(I) will be thinking, breathing & having nightmares of Prof Cox’s lessons till the D-day. I used to like exams as a kid in school for some weird reason but now I am terrified of them.*sigh*.Not sure how ,why or when the psychological shift happened.
Got some of my employment related paper work done ..basically filling up forms and running from office to office and meeting people.*phew* Met S in between and since he was free he came along for company. We ended up at the food court munching and he shared all his big plans after graduating. He is determined to graduate by next year fall. He is such a sweet person. hope all his plans work out.
Decided to do some studying and so landed at the library( my future source of bread and butter) where I bet the temp is below zero.I don’t know why they have to trun up the blasted AC so high .The place is freezing and all you can think about when u are there is cuddle up under a blanket ,have hot soup and go to sleep. Not fit for any serious studying. BUT..thats what I did…atleast attempted to do. .I studied for about 45 mins and then moved over to one of the couches and went to sleep. *grin*.Ehh..there were a few other like minded folks as well so it wasn’t too hard.
Dropped in at Rr’s lab and shared with her & lab mates the rava idlis I had made (yep—told you I am a good cook).It was an instant hit! I had brought along some pickles and chutney as well and everyone was digging in happily in spite of my warnings that the pickle was bloody hot .There was Rr’s undergrad assistant V(I think I have a crush on him)who was hesitant in the beginning ,asked me what it was and then tried out the stuff. He actually thought I made the darn mango pickles too which I didn’t bother to correct and he was so impressed!!! Ok..well I cheated!!So sue me!! .
Back home now and this place is a mess and looks like a pig-sty!! I need to clean up or else I’ll soon start snorting!

There is this delightful old hindi song playing in my real player and my title for today was inspired by it...Do diwane shehar may…….. aabudana doondte hey… Aashiyana doondte hey. (OST:-Gharonda). awesome lyrics…. awesome music…I can just about hug anyone right now!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

My Cribbings And More.

It was a normal normal day at the uni. Nothing out of the blue happened …why doesn’t anything out of the blue happen to me anyway!! *sigh*.How long can u keep up with a boring mundane existence???How long can u go on accepting life the way it is, and feel grateful and blessed and blah blah blah…when all you want to do is shout out some seriously explicit censored vocabulary and run away!!! Hmm….I know I am cribbing.. big time and I should stop!! Its all about positive thinking and staying smart.*roll my eyes*
(I should stop being my own shrink)*sigh*

We had an ice cream bash at the uni .It was costume and icecream eating competition. Our dept rep had dressed up as a turtle. She looked cute. There was a tie between our dept and another.(the guy was dressed as a ninja!!).Well the ninja won …but I seriously think the turtle should have won .The ninja didn’t represent anything environmental and everyone thought that was the rule. Anyway ..there was plenty of ice-cream and chips for all at the end …and all unfairness of life was forgotten!!

Spoke to R today.!! He is alive although his wife is dying….eh…don’t be shocked. He thinks he is married to his comp…yea it’s a psychological disorder but I like him unconditionally or something like that.
There is still no news from M. I couldn’t stand the guilt anymore and tried to call her. The connection didn’t go through and when I lost a couple of precious talk time on some crap recorded message I gave up the attempt and sent her a mail….but still no reply.*gulp*.Hope she aint too mad.
I really should cook something for tomorrow. I am getting tired of eating junk for lunch.

Monday, September 12, 2005

I Danced to Black Gospel Music.

I landed at the church again with Rr today. So,am I becoming a regular??…mmmm…no ..dont think so.Anyway today happened to be the 10th Anniversary of the congregation and it was like a big party than a Sunday mass. The free food was spread out as usual and besides that there was music and dance and what not. The 'awesomest' part…there was a group of Black Gospel Singers from Chicago and they were simply terrific!! I have seen and heard this kind of music in the movies but never in real….although I always wanted to. Got the chance today. The energy is simply mind-blowing...and its sooo much fun!!! Just loved it!

Now for some brief delve into history....
..I googled African American Gospel music and found some info about its origin….Read on….

African Roots:Tribal African music of four hundred years ago differed from European and white American music in one major regard: secular music did not exist in African traditions .All African music was naturally sacred and the concept of singing secular music was alien to them. Their music can be seen to satisfy four main functions in the fabric daily life, they are: religious, agricultural and sexual fertility, hunting, and war. In this regard African music has more in common with Native American music than European music since song was used as a means of being in harmony with nature and the cosmos. One predominant style of music that is still retained and was brought to America during the slavery period of the early 1600s to 1865, is the call and response pattern in which a leader sings a line and the entire group answers. Typical styles also included drums and other percussion instruments played a complex rhythmic accompaniment. (Sound familiar? A good example of this call and response style with syncopated rhythms can be heard by Ray Charles who used this to great advantage on his hit "What'd I Say").Later a new African American style of music was created. New songs were created using the African traditions of harmony, call and response, behind a strong rhythmic meter mixed with European traditions of harmony and musical instruments. Gospel songs created by blacks used Christian subjects with African vocal and rhythmic influences.

There is plenty more info in this site.
CLick Here

Coming back to the present ...and the festivities at the church... there was another big choir from some place else and they were pretty good too…although nothing to beat the former folks. The youth wing of the church had a few hip-hop performances as well. The guys and gals did a great job!!!There were a couple of dudes dancing on their head!!How do they do it??!!??Wow!

Back home…blogging and undecided between studying or watching a movie.Another one of those hard decisions one has to make especially when tomorrow is a school day.*sigh*

Sunday, September 11, 2005

For You.

If you are reading.....then I say....
Can't do the talk like the talk on the tv
and I can't do a love song like the way its meant to be
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you
can't do anything except be in love with you......
...I love you like the stars above I'll love you till I die

(Src:R&J-Dire Straits)
With Love
Susie Jerkins*grin*

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Oh What A Feeling...It Must Be Love!!

Such a tiring day today and I have nothing original to much ie..just too tiring a day..ok..I already said that.

How about going to sleep with a smile on the face?

"In vain have I struggled.It will not do.My feelings will not be repressed.You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you"-Calvin!.
(Stolen lines from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice(the book).I got the book today from Rr inspired by the movie series).
I USED to get a C&H comic strip by mail everyday from R and this strip is one of them.C&H maniacs avoid squinting and click on the image for easy reading.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Random Thoughts....

...Running through my mind:-

Scared shit for tomorrow’s quiz.

What the hell is happening to R!!! Keeping fine or not?? Got a job or not? Talking to me or not?? *sigh*..Answer man! Answer!

Feeling terribly guilty for not calling M all this while. *I should be kicked*

Got the x-ray report from the clinic. I am fit as a fiddle!! *Phew*

I spent too much money this week.*sigh*

I am on the verge of being broke.*oops*

I either need a cup of ice-cream (oh! Definitely Vanilla from T’s) or I need to invite Colin Firth for dinner( the tall dude in BridgetJones Diary).Mmmm..guess I’ll go for the ice-cream.* roll my eyes*.

Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice is absolutely funny. Its romantic and funny.( thanx Rr for lending me the VI parts VHS collection!)

I remember how awesome I was in the theatre workshop I attended back home in college.Ehh... that was just my opinion.

Why am I sitting in my room without the lights on ? *scratch my head*

I say I am very wise. I have done a lot of stupid things and learnt a lesson from all and therefore I'm full of wisdom.*stupid grin*

How impatient I have become..I hate to wait!

I don’t miss anyone in particular except for jrK

I think I need to stop now.*can hear sighs of relief*

But before I go herez a slice of borrowed “gyan” for today…

Don’t give in…..without a fight…..Hey You! (Src: Pink Floyd-Hey You!)What a cool song!

La Fin

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Business as Usual.. was business as usual. Had an early class today. Personally it didn’t go very well ..mainly because of lack of sleep yesterday night and my brain was as absorbent as a rock. Had some work and so it was pretty late when I slept but my ‘internal clock’ simply woke me up at my usual morning time. That makes me SLEEP DEPRIVED!!! I had to skip breakfast and lunch was lousy …which makes me FOOD DEPRIVED as well!!

Oh and I landed the job at the Uni Library..but being an international student there is about a zillion paper works before I start receiving the pay check.*sigh*.I met my boss and had to fill up a couple of forms then and there and made so many goof ups ..I am sure she was already having second thoughts.It’s the sleep deprivation issue again. I remember signing a form which in the end said something like I promise to abide by the rules and be responsible blah.. blah..blah… and if found unsuitable blah… blah… blah is fine with being terminated after two weeks!! *yikes*

Got J’s mail and he sounded distressed; the cause being absence of a site on Indians living in Austria and therefore the lack of awareness among our folks on Indian ‘life forms” in countries other than the US,UK and Australia and a smattering few. AS if the rest of the world, Austria included didn’t feature in their geography!! (Grrrrrr on J’s behalf). Anyway as a good friend and philosopher..ahem.. I told him not to be affected by such issues *deep gyan* and in practical terms suggested to design and develop a site by himself being some sort of an expert in the area. So good luck to u J and cheer up man!!

Got a call from K & jrK who are having a blast back home.I envy them but I also miss them.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


I suppose everybody knows about the disaster that has wiped off NewOrleans.

I don’t understand the reason for disasters of this nature and magnitude …the Tsunami that affected South East Asia ,SriLanka & India(2004), the Floods in China, the flood in Bombay(India) due to heavy rains(2005) and many other incidents across the world.. and now this storm Katrina that has made New Orleans a ghost town .Is this nature’s way of balancing itself ?Is it man’s own follies adversely affecting him? I don’t know…

Although I don’t live anywhere close to NO,I got to see and hear about the situation on TV and other media. Its depressing to see what New Orleans is experiencing now. Apparently , inspite of being listed by the government as the third most dangerous disaster that can affect the nation , the people weren’t alerted, nor any plan was made to make sure the people were moved to a safer place. Its dumbfounding!! There was no disaster preparedness of any sort. Now, aftermath of the storm , the place is in utter chaos. There is huge loss everywhere ..people dead or injured, houses completely destroyed and waist high filthy water everywhere. You can see dead bodies lying on the streets and floating in the water, dehydrated babies weak due to lack of food for days and separated from their families, old people on wheel chairs without any sort of medical attention, mothers who have lost their children and have no idea if they are dead or alive and many such heart wrenching situations. There was even looting and crime in the midst of all these sorrow!! Unbelievable isn’t it?? People being shot, women being raped ,fights etc etc!! But really the most unbelievable part..inspite of all this, absolutely no help had arrived till four days after the storm! Apparently the day after the disaster ,even Red Cross was denied access –the reason being national security!! Does that make any sense at all???

It seems the majority of population in NO are African Americans , most of them economically poor and I heard people commenting-‘ if a similar situation had taken place in a more affluent white community no one would have witnessed such a scenario’. Why this attitude?? These people are American citizens.. they have rights to be protected by their own country, by their own government, the government that they elected!Why this callous attitude by the government towards a disaster of this magnitude ? Why this blatant disrespect for the human life ?And I thought this was America …

Anyway the news and other programs covering the disaster says that help has started arriving and people(only the survivors) are being evacuated. However,they haven’t started burying the dead yet, the animals(pets) are being left behind, there aren’t enough doctors to attend the injured and nobody is sure what is the death toll as of yet.Our prayers are with the people of New Orleans.

[A friend sent me this link- .Its by a blogger from New Orleans.Her last entry was in August 28th 2005.Please read it.Its really touching. I hope and pray that her family is safe and sound wherever they are]

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Long Labour!

Pretty long weekend (labour day weekend )…the kind of weekend where there is too much time and you don’t know what to do with it and in the end do a whole bunch of things which doesn’t make much of an impact what-so-ever!*sigh*
Not that my whole weekend was a downer---there were a few highlights like finding this awesome place T’s where u get the most delicious frozen yogurt(get ice cream too although seriously I don’t get the difference between the two as far the taste goes).Ever tried vanilla and white chocolate combo!!! Yummy!!!
Chilled out at R’s apartment and watched this tamil movie kakka kakka for the….eh…mmmm…..”cant remb the exact number” of times and drooled over Suriya like a pair of raving maniacs!!
Sunday went to a church service .I go there occasionally with R ,sometimes to give her company ,sometimes to munch on the free food that’s available(pretty lavish spread Ok) and sometimes to hear some words of wisdom. Yesterday I decided to hear him out and as always felt the pastor was speaking only to me. Gees what is with this guilt trip I am on… and the survey(refer blog-post-Sept 2nd) says I am sweet and innocent!!*sigh*
Had a minor tiff with this e-friend as in e-mail, e-com etc etc.Thats right we are the hi-tech version of pen friends. Anyway coming back to the issue.. at that moment it felt anything but minor and I could have “virtually” buried him alive but everything is kinda back to normal now …thanks to my very forgiving nature.I send him a mail today which means things are ok.. I guess.*grin* case u r hearing any sound reading this—its J grinding his teeth with a murderous look on his face .*lol*
Monday didn’t feel like Monday ..being a holiday..but neither did it feel like Sunday *scratch my head*. Spent the whole day at home ..well almost. Evening went to the supermarket to stock up the fridge. Anyone watching me would have thought(initially ie) …“wow! now here is a gal who eats healthy”…fruits, yougurt, juice, milk….and …Cheetos!!!*oops*.And just for kicks sake I grabbed a chocolate bar at the checkout.*grin*
BTW I did some studying in between all this ..juuuuust enough to keep the guilt factor in check.Anyway labour day is about to end around 12 midnight (technically) but as one of my Profs commented “what is soo special about labour day..isnt everyday “labour” day!!”.Yea..gud point Prof!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

The Story is Short & Simple.

If a lot of things happened yest..nothing much happened today…and whatever little happened today failed to make any impact on me..period! The story is short and simple-attended my class and I slept through it with my eyes open (naturally)! I haven’t the faintest clue what the class was about and the sad part- next week the Prof is throwing a quiz inclusive of today’s class. Awesome!!
Back home, fuelled up ..sat and worked on an assignment for Wed. Got calls from home….cousin’s marriage tomorrow( tonight I’ll be dreamin of Paallada( a kinda rice pudding) for sure!!*drooool*)fixed a gourmet dinner of cup-o-noodles *sigh* and realized just now that I was supposed to go to the clinic to get the x-ray done. Shit!
Just took this quizz and hardly pleased with the results!!
You are too innocent and sweet for your own good.

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

And now...sleep beckons!

Busy, Busy Day...Yesterday!!!

I missed out on posting yesterday… just couldn’t find the time .Had an extremely busy, eventful day.. ..although it wasn’t bad in anyway.Started out with a short chat with V who was online in yahoo..(Surprise! Surprise!!)Unfortunately we couldn’t chat too long as I had a class and had to rush.At the university lot of things happened- from a surprise Quiz in class(fingers crossed!) to making a new friend G and a seminar by this Turkish Prof… most of which went above my head …but whatever I could grasp seemed pretty interesting. I particularly liked some of his ongoing research projects that he mentioned at the end. Wonder if he needs a RA(research asst)!...I can do with some experience and some dough!
Speaking of dough,I am on the search for a student campus job and got to learn from mafriend G that there were some openings at the main library. She ended up taking me there ,printing out the referral forms and introducing me to her ex-boss(she had worked in the library before and her two sisters and two cousins are working in the practically half her family is in there(ofcourse they are all students) and I had a short interview with G’s ex-boss and filled up a couple of forms. The only hitch is I need to apply for my SS number which I hear from sources can be a bit of a pain. Well,the boss will get back to me with her decission and from what I understood about the timings...I am not too keen although the pay is good. Lets see what happens.
And then I dropped in at the Tibetan Movie Series which started yest at the Archi Auditorium .There was this gal setting up a stall selling “free Tibet” t-shirts ,posters and pins.Got talking to her and she is a member of the Students for Free Tibet in US. The show was free ,but I ended up buying one of the t-shirts for two bucks and got a pin and poster for free.Not a bad deal at all!!!!The movie was on the Tibetan culture..specifically on their concept of death, their rituals for the dying and the dead ,their belief in re-incarnation(basically a Buddhist belief) etc .Wonder why they started off the series with death!(probably as per buddhist beliefs death only means the beginning of a new life).Well...I dont know.
My friend R was supposed to come along but she got stuck in her lab with some work. After the movie we met up and went out to a small place called VJs for dinner and wound up at my place where we yapped into the wee hrs. No idea when we fell asleep and it was the fire alarm which went off for some strange reason that woke us up.Anyway I don’t think either of us had any proper sleep..but fortunately I have a class only in the afternoon and unfortunately R had to get back to her lab in the morning.Gud luck with those experiments R...dont blow up the lab!!!*grin*
Sooo… I said pretty busy day yesterday.Wonder whats in store for today.
Also missed out on a regular mail that I write to one of my friends. Sorry J just in case u are reading this.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Incompetent Me!

There was nothing at home to the sense none of the basic stuff with which u can cook up something..atleast nothing Indian.. like dal ,chaval..So what did I do ??..I cooked Italian!! I cooked Chicken Alfredo Florentine ie Creamy Alfredo Sauce with white chicken and spinach and Fettuccine… was a disaster.*sigh*The Fettuccine(a kind of flat and thick Pasta) became too dry and rubbery, the sauce had all but evaporated and the chicken was burnt at a couple of places. And now for the real incompetent part.I didn’t make the food from scratch.Its one of those microwaveable lean gourmet stuff u get packed and ready at the supermarket.*embarassed*.Seriously ..I felt so dumb.Cant even manage to follow instructions and warm up ready made food!!Gees!!
I actually feel like blaming my stupid microwave for the disaster but I think I’ll take the responsibility this time and maybe do a better job next time.The only gud part was it didn’t cost much and it wasn’t completely in-edible(only because I somehow ate it….well, most of it….….better than staying hungry!).
Met up with some friends(Indian) at the Uni . Being the most recent India returnee there was a lot of catching up to do.It was fun!