Friday, October 27, 2017

Fix Me

Met with a couple of college friends today evening. We hung out for an hour or two by the backwaters, sipping tea in small paper cups, and munching on some sand roasted groundnuts. The weather was was the type I like- cloudy, stormy, with a gentle breeze, an almost not there drizzle and a subdued evening sun. We chatted about all kinds of mundane things, pulled each others legs a bit, and sang a couple of silly songs. It certainly served me with some distraction and some relief from my cheerless disposition of late. But, it also made me think how superficial our interactions are sometimes. None of the folks I met with had any clue of what was going on in my life or what I was going through. Yet this superficial distraction was useful. It was as though all the noisy chatter brought some peace to my mind. How ironic!
But later, back home, back on my own, all the thoughts that have been troubling me came flooding back and I slipped back into my rather sad state of mind. Being sad can truly consume you and drain you off a lot of energy. Since there is no one to really talk to and since one has to maintain a certain pretense that everything is fine, it takes a toll on you. And sleep does not come that easily either as your mind is overworked and exhausted. And so the next best thing to do or what I did was to create distractions myself to escape from my thoughts. I tried to go back to a book I have been reading, tried to watch a movie online and when neither was working,  stumbled upon this song by Coldplay (Chris Martin). I could relate to the song, and it provided some relief and hope and so I listened to it over and over again.
Below the video are a few lines from the lyrics that called out to me in particular.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Love is truly a profound and beautiful emotion. It can make you alive or break you with its intensity.  Wonder who or what is finally going to "fix me"? You? God? Divine intervention?

Having said all this, I still believe in what I wrote in my previous post and want to imbibe it. 

Thursday, October 26, 2017

A Wish

Somedays are harder than others and it got me thinking....

One has to stay strong and be useful to the world and not be bogged down by how shabbily life treats you. It is fine to be sad, it is fine to be angry, just don't let either of it replace the inherent goodness and willpower within you. We are all born with a purpose in life, and I feel it is important to try our best to fulfill that purpose.  I have always been in awe of people who seem to be thriving...leading a life of courage and purpose. Externally they may not appear to have any of the frills that society uses as indicators of a "successful life", yet in my eyes they are living a much fuller, purpose driven life and therefore a happier life.

 Then there is also the need to nurture ones own soul. One of the best ways for this is to fill ones life with adventure and experience. The world is almost a limitless place and oftentimes a lifetime is not enough to experience all of it. Having a like minded companion to share the journey makes these adventures (perhaps even more) beautiful and exciting and the goals (perhaps more) easily achievable. But even if that is not the case, even if one is alone,  one has to stay the course and sometimes go off course as well. Being adventurous is about taking the less traveled and sometimes the never traveled roads; it leads you to self discovery and learning and satisfaction (as this poem claims). No classroom can provide you with a similar enriching experience and learning.

I came across a random quote today as I was going through someone's Instagram account. It said : "Being conscientious and open to experience is more important than intelligence and academic success". I feel the essence of the quote is that it is important to open your heart and mind and allow experience be your master and guide, as it enables a more enriching life.

I am not saying any of this from experience. I am saying this as a wish for myself and for you or anyone who may be feeling lost and uncertain. Hope this helps bring some encouragement to our lives.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017


Always moved by the simplicity and intensity of the verses by Nayyirah Waheed

A Tough Place

What do you do when the silly things you say and your silly questions, asked half in fun and perhaps half out of insecurity, is taken seriously, and when the serious things you say and your serious questions, asked out of genuine concern and desire to know is laughed off or dismissed?
You just sit on your own, sleepless, in your anxious state of mind, biting your nails, and praying that you are not misunderstood. It's a tough place to be in, especially when you only have your own thoughts for company.

Monday, October 23, 2017

The Knowing

I know I want to move the entire world for you
I also know you are my entire world and I want to stay still with you
While my "foolish" emotions evoke these thoughts in me,
I know you and the entire world carries on, unmoved, uncaring.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Rainy Saturday

On this rainy Saturday,  as I sit in my room, reminiscing about old times, happy times, and wondering about the future, I feel slightly consoled reading these words of Howard Zin from the documentary-"You Cannot be Neutral in a Moving Train":

"To be hopeful in bad times is not foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage and kindness. And if we do act in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of present and to live now, as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us (and sometimes in defiance to what convention dictates), is itself a marvelous victory".

Thursday, October 19, 2017

With You In My Mind

I love you. These words I say in the most profound and deepest sense. Not simply words. More like the Aristotle quote in the previous post. What it means or becomes then is not just a fleeting, superficial emotion I feel for you. I would term that attraction than love. Rather it becomes this strong conviction that I will be there for you no matter what. I live my life carrying you in my mind and heart. Nobody else distracts me and even if someone tries, I am quick  to recognize the difference. Distractions normally go as quick as they come. Love on the other hand feels permanent, especially when the love took time to happen and reveal itself. In my experience, when two souls connect, the universe conspires and things happen magically and every moment feels magical and enchanting and inspiring. The connection I had forged with you is so loving, and sincere, and sweet, and insanely passionate, to even think the bond maybe broken makes me lose my mind. I will never recover from this hurt. So my prayer, with you in my mind is, please universe, God, kind spirits, keep my love intact, keep my soul intact.  

Wednesday, October 18, 2017


"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies" -Aristotle.

This is how I feel about love as well. Either I am as wise as Aristotle when it comes to love, or we are both fools. 

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

A Prayer

The truth is, there is a feeling of infinite joy in knowing that you love someone unconditionally.
But knowing  that love is reciprocated, there is a feeling of empowerment.
God, please grant me my wish. Amen!

Monday, October 16, 2017

A Sad Post

The fact of the matter is, it is always easy to misunderstand someone than understand someone. This means we are quick to judge and quick to hurt.

Human relationships in general feels superficial and fleeting; perhaps it's all the exposure and the limitless possibilities that seem available. This also means, no one really takes the time to understand.

Does this mean we are all doomed to be self-centered, soul-less, hurtful beings? Wouldn't life be worthless if that is the case?

Did I just write the saddest post in this blog? *sigh*

Life in Limbo

When it feels like your life is in limbo.....sheer madness! Please help me God, please!

Sunday, October 15, 2017

My Love..

Thanks god for poets, only they can put our most intimate and heartfelt emotions into the most beautiful verses. Like this one here...